She stood in the tiny stage area, actually a mat on the floor designated as the Karaoke area. She held the
mike in her hand. Everyone in the bar was in a great mood. The usual Karaokers were there. The sports club bar favorites.
Her drinking partner for the night had just finished singing. Drinking partner, a kid still wet behind the ears but hysterically
funny. He and his buddy were buying pitchers of beer and the occasional mixed drinks and shots. It saved her
money,. she lucked out. He, the kid was in the theater department at the University. Mr. Entertainment, Mr.
Theater, she had seen him around campus. He was one of the green room regulars and now one of the Thursday night Karaoke
regulars as she was soon finding out. She had decided that it was time to get out of her apartment, plus she was
out of food and the sports bar offered pretty decent free happy hour appetizers. The song she had decided to sing was
by Sarah Mclachan. After some coaxing from the entertaiment crew seated around the bar, Eric and Hans, more Erics urging she
put her name on the list of people signing up to sing. This was her second time here during karaoke night but she had not
sang before. Last week she had just sat and watched the antics with a part of her screaming to get up and try it.The teletype
started to roll. She almost missed the lead in to the song. Hold the mike(mic) from your mouth, her brain told her, not to
far but far enough so that feedback is not heard. She took a hodgepodge of fine arts classes and acting at the University,
they swam through her mind now while she sang. She had not taken any singing or voice classes like her compadres.
Also, unlike them she had not acted or tried out for any of the plays at the University. Her past had thiry- two years
of past theater summers. She glanced over towards the bar. His buddy was slowly tying one on like she had
been. and They were keeping up a lively conversation with the people around the bar. His friend was older and acted it.
She personally thought the kid and his friend were a couple. Meaning , she thought that they were both gay. They
were loads of fun once past the ego, though.
"it doesn't mean much, it doesn't mean anything at all the life I left behind me was a cold wind(cauldron)...,
she sang. The words and the music flowing together, evenly. Not bad her mind told her your doing okay. Jazz it up--- show
its emotion ---show the pain, heartache and sorrow.... make them ache. I still don't feel like myself. They expect a
black woman response --gospel oriented like the transsexual handing out Coca Cola in the Olympic commercial, never had it
never will. Melody of true birth, ah there it is. There is more than a little Scots- Irish in you. She looked
around the bar. Mr. Entertainment,(the Kids)s friend had gotten up from the bar and was standing against the wall in
front of her behind several seated tables. Was he on next?,she asked herself. Erics friends name was Hans. His
eyes seemed to penetrate her.
"are you an angel I've already let go ...who are you ...sweet
surrender is all that I have to give...Her glance returned to the screen directly over his head. She was no get
the crowd moving type but they weren't going to throw any rotten tomatos. More smiles, she hit the note allright. Maybe everyone
is drunk or just feeling comraderie. It's contagious. Wow just me, a voice crept in her mind.
"..sweet eeet surrender, is all I have to give...". She glanced again to the corner, moving her eyes down
from the teletype. His back no longer rested on the wall, he had moved away from the wall and was standing straight relaxed
yet out from the crowd. Was that a light on him, whoa, that last shot of tequila, she thought. "Allright
monsieur, I'll f...your brain". Her gaze centered on Hans. Surrounding him. Air escaped into the bar from entering
patrons cold, brisk, sharp. A sharpness surrendering into a cool fresh breath like her breath hesitantly
crossing the bar ,slowly moving the folds of his clothes. Her mouth opened slowly forming the words to the song searching
his face , hands surrounding his body---closing in an almost perfect circle as her eyes reached his again drawing him
in towards her closer, closer, closing...Sweet surrender is all I have to give...... She felt flushed.
Lights,camera, action hit them home make them beg, wonder and groan
to satisfaction. Okay pleasingly satisfied. Good, fait a compli , hey it was my first time,anyway. They'll wonder.
The music finished. Applause. She made her way back to the bar. What luck white girl gospel singer was
up next I'm forgotten.
He was sitting at the bar holding a glass of beer in his hands. As she sat down, he handed it to her.
"Your good", he said.
"Thanks".
"Where's your friend Mr. Entertainment, I mean Eric?" A male voice started singing. A
country western tune floated through the bar. A toe tapping get up and line dance piece, well a couple
two step line dance type of song.
" Want another drink? Another G&T or Amaretto Sour? What was it?"
None of the drinks she had drank was really affecting her. She knew
once she got home all the booze would hit her. It usually did. Always appear not drunk in public then let loose
at home, stumble and fall there or up chuck there never in public, her mind was racing. He had hooded his eyes and then he
turned and looked at her directly. A sight better than what she had been seeing in her dreams, the past couple of
nights, at least. Ghost, goblins, vampires, demons and feelings of being possesed by older matronas left her aura ,her mind
sight and her eyes, as she watched his. She stared back at him conscious of self consciousness. She should really never had
tried to channeling spirits.
"A G&T, thanks". Karaoke was winding down. Mr. Entertainment was
the only one singing, now. Why can't she remember his name. Eric that was it, and his friends name was Hans. Hans' name she
was not likely to forget. She looked up as the bartender handed her her drink. The last call sign went on. It would usually
be about five more rounds before they finally stopped serving drinks.
"I'm about through here, how are you getting home?"
She turned and looked at the guy seated beside her, and smile.
"Why?"
He shrugged,"its late, did you drive?"
She was still smiling and obviously trying to read his face. Three
minute warning. "No, I walked. I don't have a car. I don't live that far". She turned as someone touched her arm getting their
attention. It was her next door neighbor, Glen. He had been sitting in the back of the bar with some of his friends. "Goodnight
Symphony, you sounded great."
"Hi, Glen, thanks. Why didn't you sing".
"Me
nah, see ya tomorrow, you sounded great,though!", he repeated. He glanced over at the guy seated beside her. "Hey", an acknowledged
nod. Light conversation started up between the two. Glen had made his way in between the seated couple. His date for the night
stood by his side. What are you drinking, she asked Glens' date whose name was Siobhan.
"Ready", Glen said to Siobhan, ending all polite conversation. "Good", thought Symphony. She could not come up with another
polite thing to say luckily for her the people sitting around the bar had started a lively banter about Sundays game, at the
University. Glen turned to her smiled and patted her shoulder again. "Well, goodnight". He and Siobhan made
their way out of the bar through back door.
She smiled her goodbyes at them. Siobhan was a blond haired woman around his age. Symphony
wondered if Siobhan was. the ex- girl friend Glen had talked about several evenings, ago. The girl he was so torn
up about. It was hard for her to picture or even visualize men broken hearted over a woman, there was her brother but that
hurt was devious, his college roommate stole his girl and then had sex with her in his adjoining room and gloated, ie boasted
about it. Symphony and her roommate were going to beat the girl up. His roommate then tried turning on the charm towards Symphony.
she considered him a LL Cool J reject, he claimed to work for the DEA,. He told everyone. So, she wasn't breaking
his cover plus it was years ago and her brother had long since gotten over the cold he had developed because of the whole
sordid mess. God College is hard. Yet, there, there were two examples of a tortured broken hearted male. She looked over at
Hans. No broken hearts there. Not his own, at least.
In Western society , sex is used mainly as a source of enormous pleasure, as well as for
the more practical purpose as a means of procreation. in Eastern cultures, on the other hand, sex has a third purpose. Here,
sex is also used as a means of expanding and exploring spirituality, and by doing so a means to enlightenment. This last use
of the sexual experience is known in China,quite simply,as a way of provoking the spirit.
" Well, I'm out of here as well, Hans said looking at her. His eyes seemed to find the
light in hers just behind center. She wondered if hers looked as clear focused as his did. A crystal blue sea. Maybe
thats what she liked , not the regular blue but a clear almost glass-like blue--- like the sea. Not that she was going
to go romance novel or anything but she could hear strains of old novels that helped her through pubescent overweighted nights.
" If your finished with your drink, I'll give you
a ride home, you should'nt be walking home this late", he continued. The three minute warning had long passed and she
had made up her mind and was working on just the right je ne sais quoi.
"Can you drive?", she asked, no longer meeting his eyes.
" Yeah,".
" What about Eric".
" He's fine, Etienne will take him home, they live in the same house".
" Oh,well,yeah I'm ready, thanks". She wondered who Etienne was. They made their
way over to the stage, to say goodbye to Mr.Entertainment-Eric. He was in a lively conversation with the guy and his girlfriend
who played the music for Karaoke night.
Eric looked at his buddy as they exchanged high five into closed cupped fists hand
shakes good night. Then he turned, with a better of valor look on his face, smiling his goodnight. "See you in the green room tomorrow,
Symphony". He continued where his conversation had left off.
Symphony followed Hans out of the bar. He walked close by her side as they said goodnight to
the bouncers standing by the front door. Hans' Jeep was parked down the road around the corner from where the bar stood.
"Sure , he isn't mad", she asked Hans one last time.
"Who, Eric. nah", he opened the door to the passenger side and let Symphony
in.
